RomCom

"So you want to be in love like the movies.
But in the movies, they're not in love at all.
And with a twinkle in their eyes,
they're just saying their lines.
So you can't be in love like the movies."
-The Avett Brothers

I told my friend Lilli last night that I just wanted my life to be a RomCom. For those of you not hip enough to know what that is, its short for Romantic Comedy. Her response?

"No you don't. Romantic Comedies ruin people's relationships!"

Wait, what?

"They set up ridiculous standards that we hold our partners to and ignore the fact that sometimes we fart, and forget to call each other back."

Thanks Lilli.

Unfortunately I would still like Ryan Gosling to use witty modern pick up lines on me in a bar full of beautiful women, take me home and do the lift from Dirty Dancing with me. Just sayin'.

Prince charming, we have a job opening at 942 NW Delaware. Please send references.

Not being anybody's most important person can be rough. Sometimes.
That's all.

A work in progress I thought how handy it would be to keep a running tally of the things I've taken away from my personal therapy. This is one of my favorites.

If life is like a big cruise ship that we're cruising along on, is there much productive about freaking out about the course, the weather, the other people on the ship? Can you change those things? Or would you rather harness your free will, spending your time on the boat choosing what to eat, wear, do, be? Ultimately that boat of life is going to take you wherever it damn well pleases, why not spend your time smiling back at what you can change and blur the lines around the things that happen outside of your control.

Greet yourself daily with compassion.

Notice without judgement. Notice the judgement and let it go.

To be continued.

I was thinking last night about this conversation that I had with some of my dearest male friends, many years ago now. Men who have mentored and molded me, inspired and challenged me, loved me and protected me.
They basically conveyed this idea to me, regardless of the words they may have used...this was the sentiment.

"I may take note of the lean line of your strong bicep,
I may notice the power of your shoulder when it swings an axe,
I do admire the curve of your toned ass through the thick heavy cloth of your carhartts.
All these things the product of the "man's work" you do, and well.
But at the end of the day, your hands should be soft. Because a woman isn't a woman without soft hands."

Quiet frankly, my response to this is:

Really?
You men, whom I look to for wisdom, guidance, pride, support. Really you want me to feel as though I am less of woman because I strive to do well in your world? The betrayal I felt deep down in my soul, for hearing first of their respect and amazement at my rising through the ranks of a man's job, and then for their judgement of my rough hands? Do you work to keep your hands soft when you're focused on getting your chain saw sharpened for the next tree?

If this is what makes a woman to you then I'm lost and would like not to be but feel terribly broken-hearted about it.

Can a man with soft hands build a fire with a bow and a board?
Can he lead 8 frightened teenagers through a mountain wilderness and earn their trust?
Can he hold a baby so gently and delicately with love pooling in his eyes?
Can a man with rough hands not knead dough, sew a dress, brush his daughter's hair?
Hmm. I'm a beautiful and powerful and rough-handed woman, but really guys, I would forever appreciate your deep belief in my power and beauty. Because on the days when I doubt it, your faith really pulls me through. Don't set your daughters up to doubt their femininity and your sons to be so limited in their understanding of what makes a woman. You touch our souls deeply and powerfully...please don't be so careless with the boxes you put ideas in.